What to do if a loved one experiences a miscarriage

So I just got wind that a friend of mind has just had another miscarriage. I couldn’t imagine the pain of going through just one. How do you get the strength to try again? To risk exposing yourself to the pain? Are they going to try again? All these questions ran through my head as I heard about it.


These are really great people too, this couple. They’ve been married for a while, both work, and are happy and apparently ready to take it to the next step. Why do these kind of things happen to good people? And on the other hand, people who shouldn’t even have children are giving birth to more children everyday only to have them taken by the state? And then another really important question dawned on me, what can I say or do? A lot of people don’t exactly know how to act around such a delicate situation. Family and Friends often feel helpless when someone close to them experiences a miscarriage because no one has any control over it or can prevent it from happening. Society’s attitude is to not talk about it, fearing that it’s too upsetting. However, not talking about it only makes it harder to move on.

It’s natural to grieve, and can be experienced in unique ways by different people. To support someone does not mean to take away their pain, but perhaps lighten the stress by being more aware and informed.


 Often times, when someone is grieving, they turn to the people around them but can’t express the kind of support they need. Being the supportive person, you may feel helpless or vulnerable. Often, people avoid dealing with the loss and hope the parents would hide their grief, but it’s not as difficult as people think to learn how to be supportive. Be prepared to talk about the baby. It’s ok to say the name, often hearing someone else say the name helps a grieving person heal. Don’t forget to listen. A person who experiences a miscarriage might need to talk about it repeatedly. Your attentiveness, gestures, and eye contact can be a helpful way to show you care. Sometimes, it’s best to say nothing at all. They may just be looking for someone to listen. Encourage communication. It’s better for a grieving person to express their pain, stress, anger, guilt, sadness, doubt, and frustration, than it is to hold it all in. All of these feelings are a normal part of the grieving process.


 There is no time frame. Each person grieves at their own pace while they find ways to live with the memories and the pain associated with the loss. Be aware that grief has physical reactions as well as emotional reactions to the body. Poor appetite, lack of sleep, restlessness, low energy, pain, panic, persistent fears, nervousness, and nightmares. Encourage your friend or family member to reach out to you during these times. Remember that specific dates or events might trigger emotional stress. Like expected due date or anniversary of loss. Communication can help during this time. Don’t forget to reassure the person that what they are feeling is natural and necessary for healing. I’ve heard that they are planning on trying again. This will be the fourth time. I hope they have better luck this time. Some books you might like:

  Miscarriage: Women Sharing from the HeartI Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and RecoveryTrying Again: A Guide to Pregnancy After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant LossSurviving Miscarriage: --You Are Not Alone

  Thank you for reading. Comments appreciated


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Filed under Health, Parenting

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