Older children might use tantrums to their advantage if they’ve learned that this behavior works. Once your children are school aged, one way to avoid negative behavior is by sending them to their room. This is written on a lot of parenting books.. I however do not agree with this. How many of you have 2 rooms for your children? One bedroom and one playroom? Not me. And I am not sending my child in their bedroom to go play with their toys instead of reflecting on their behavior.
I am a big fan of earning things, and so far, losing privileges have really worked for me. I give one warning that if the behavior continues they will lose something, and if it continues, I follow through. Back to the being consistent! Do not reward your child when they have calmed down. We are trying to teach them that destructive behavior is not acceptable. Instead, giving verbal praise for regaining control. After your kids have a tantrum it is important to reflect on their behavior briefly and come up with a different way the situation could have been handled.
Children may need help learning how to deal with their emotions.Don’t forget to give your child lots of hugs and reassure them that you still love and care about them, no matter what.
If there is a safety issue and the toddler is unruly after being warned to stop, use a time out or hold the child firmly for several minutes. Children need to understand that there is no flexibility when it comes to safety. Time outs are suggested for children who understand why they are in time outs. Suggested time out times are according to age. For instance, if your child is 3, time out is for 3 minutes. Age 4, time out 4 minutes.
Be consistent! Be consistent! Be consistent! If you say something, stick with it. Don’t change your mind and teach your child that begging and bugging will enable you to give in. Stand your ground! Children are like animals, they sense how you are feeling. It doesn’t make any sense to get as frustrated as your child. Instead, remain calm and try to think clearly. Try to understand where your child is coming from. If they are upset or sad, you can express that it is ok to feel the way they are feeling, but their behavior is not ok. If they are disappointed, maybe you can provide comfort. Remember, children look to you for example and are learning from you how to deal with thoughts and feelings.
Getting physical is never the answer, it will only teach your child that getting physical with others is ok. If a child is being unruly because you’ve just refused something, there’s a few things you can do.
Ignoring the child’s behavior is one way. Sometimes they are just trying to get a reaction out of you. If the child is not hurting themselves or others, than ignoring might be the way to go.
Leaving your child alone may give them feeling of abandonment, but at the same time I believe everyone should have enough space to calm down. Use your judgment. Pick your battles.
Enjoy the time you have with your child. Always ask yourself, why am I saying no? Sometimes no becomes too easy to say. Don’t hesitate to be silly once in a while and have fun.
Knowing what triggered the tantrums is a big help. Make sure your child isn’t acting up from lack of attention, because to children, even negative attention counts as attention. Catching your child behaving correctly and rewarding your child for positive behavior is one of the ways to avoid unruly behavior.
You should call a doctor if
In rare cases, your child’s behavior might be physical, and should be checked by a doctor.
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